I wanted to talk about things I have constantly been thinking about. Things I am working on; some days struggling with and other days feeling motivated. Why is it that we have such expectations for ourselves to be perfect? We critique everything about ourselves, so we can be the best version of ourselves. It can be a positive thing when we do so to create a better world, but when we have selfish motives it becomes toxic not only for others but yourself. When your entire thoughts are consumed of yourself, it is quite exhausting. We all want to run away from the problem, except we are the problem. How does one run away from themselves? I think the most self-reflecting question I can ask you is this, “What do you think about?” Every day, all day, “What do you think about?”
I know I haven’t written in forever, but I have been focusing on that question quite a bit. And how I can change that focus from me, to others. Instead of saying how can I perfect myself, I am trying to ask, “How can I help others?” Perfection will never ever be achieved. The most beautiful thing on someone is a smile. True happiness and joy come from within. Physical appearances may bring temporary happiness but inner beauty lasts forever. I truly hate to admit that I have been so selfish in wasting such precious life I do have, on myself. “How can I look beautiful? How many times can I workout today?” What about, “How can I make others see that THEY are beautiful?” I have asked my friends what most of their thoughts consume of and sadly enough, I wish I could change them! I want so badly to follow them around saying, “That person just had a bad day, do not analyze yourself because you are absolutely beautiful. Don’t let their words affect you, you are wonderful. You don’t have to be perfect, I love you just the way you are.” Such gentle words, yet so hard to believe. Especially when we say these words to ourselves.
I am doing my best to be Forever Beautiful, not only for myself, but for you. I hope you know how beautiful you are.
As I was driving in my jeep, sitting at a stop light, I saw the leaves flying in the sky as if they were talking to me. Telling me to keep my free spirit going. Keep my head up and my heart open. The sky was purple and yellow, so colorful. I sat at the stop light daydreaming; remembering the feeling of excitement, hope. Life was telling me I had something to look forward to. Feeling the wind and watching the leaves swirl around was a breath of fresh air. Taking the time to notice the beauty that life has to offer saves me. Day by day it saves me. As each day goes on, the crazy pattern of life yet the excitement of not knowing whats going to happen next is my contradicting love for life. There are opportunities to learn everywhere you look. I’m realizing life is about breathing in the moment. Truly listening to the present, balancing that craving to know whats ahead and that regret of what’s behind. Just listen. Allow your thoughts to fade away, as you look into the present moment of today.
I’m always in the same routine. School, work, school, work. NOTHING else. Sometimes I think of running away to somewhere exotic, Switzerland or New Zealand. Am I running away from my routine or is it my state of mind? Being responsible is something I’ve always known. When I was in Venice Beach, seeing the hobos have no worries, fears, or responsibilities was something I was quite envious of. They wake up with no expectations of anything and just enjoy day by day. Smiling at everyone, enjoying the people and music around them. What was it that was so good about their life, that wasn’t in mine? Their state of mind. They’ve seen the worse they possibly could have, they know their life can only get better. Today has been a continuous cycle of pattern, but is it me just saying the same bad thoughts over and over? I’m usually quite the optimistic person, but I am one for adventure and love surprises in life. Right now, my life is just the opposite. I know this is just temporary, I’m working my heart out to save money to have enough money to move. I’m doing this to myself? Happiness is a state of mind NOT a location. There is beauty everywhere, I just need to find it. Today’s continuous pattern has helped me realize, life isn’t always a field of flowers. But how fortunate am I, that I have the freedom to create my own future? That is exactly what I am doing. Waking up and creating my own future. Each day, each routine, is a stepping stone to my dreams. Isn’t it amazing that with each negative thought, we have the ability to learn? Life is beautiful that way. I will continue my routine – taking a breath of fresh air – knowing I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.